Ask A Woman: Do Girls Like Jerks?

Ask a Woman - Do Girls Like Jerks?

Dear Rachel,

Do girls like jerks? I'm thinking about being more of a jerk. Should I be? It seems like that's what girls like.

rachel-aawRachel's Take: If you're referring to a specific scenario between you, a girl, and a jerk, the situation often looks like this:

Nice guy pursues a girl he's interested in, (taking his time/moving slowly/acting passively) as to show that he (respects her/doesn't want to scare her away/has no self-confidence), when out of nowhere, in swoops some jerk who (doesn't respect her/treats her like crap/has a lot of chutzpah) and somehow the girl leaves the nice guy in the dust and runs off with the jerk. How rude. Nice guy was trying to do everything right. What gives?

It boils down to an issue with self-confidence that stems from each of the three individuals involved.

1. Nice Guy

Cut yourself some slack and show yourself a little respect! That you even considered jerk-conversion highlights a deficiency in your self-confidence. You're clearly not good enough the way you are, so you need to change in order to win the attention you desire? That's not a good look. Girls like someone with a bit of a spine. Stand up a bit straighter, huh?

2. Girl

People like when other people give them attention - this is true of girls and guys alike. In this girl's example, she is being offered attention from two sides. This is ideal for a girl with shaky self-confidence who longs to feel wanted and desired. These girls will go for the Jerk every time. He's exciting, he's impulsive, he showers her with attention until she grows to expect it and then completely blows her off, leaving her with the desire to get back what she's lost. All the while, in the back of her head, she does all this knowing Nice Guy is probably waiting around in the wings. Nice guy is the safety net.

3. Jerk

These guys are interesting in a number of ways. Not least of which is their incredible self-confidence. Jerk displays a hubris that girls (and often even his guys friends) find compelling. The jerk's issue is less about self-confidence and more about the egoism that replaces it. His universe revolves around himself, so when he pursues a girl, it is not because he cares about her, but because gaining her attention feeds his own needs. When someone or something else comes along that he wants attention or recognition from, he'll drop the girl without a thought in order to go after it.

Even if this isn't your exact situation, and maybe you've just noticed jerks getting all the girls, the bottom line is the same:

Check your own actions. Are you actively pursuing a girl, or are you being subtle and passive? If you really want a shot with her, be honest and straightforward and just tell her. Keep in mind that jerks don't stick around for long, and she may be available sooner than you think. It's also possible that this one won't stick around, but another jerk will just come and take his place. Consider your next move carefully. If you really like her, you can still let her know, but if she's the type of girl that gets stuck in a cycle of dating jerk after jerk while leaving you hanging out to dry, she probably isn't worth your effort.

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About The Author
Rachel Hamm
Rachel Hamm
Rachel once gave a particularly confident guy a quadratic equation to solve, the solutions of which were the digits in her phone number.