Don't Feed The Animals. Seriously.

madagascar ohioI lived in southern Ohio for four years, and I saw a lot of strange stuff. I once saw a drunk guy dressed as a lobster play hide-and-seek on a public street with a gigantic stuffed bulldog on a Tuesday night unrelated to Halloween. I saw six guys dress up as GI Joes and pose as statues for three hours straight and I even saw an impromptu flashmob pillow fight take place in the middle of an intersection while I sat at a red light.

But this takes the cake for the weirdest thing I've ever seen in southern Ohio. Even weirder than the thousands of pairs of random panties found along a roadway. This place was some sort of small-town zoo in Zanesville. Zanesville was between where I went to school and the closest shopping mall/civilization in Columbus. I recall driving past it more than once and thinking "huh, that's weird." Apparently now so does anyone who gets local or national news.

The sad part of this story is that the owner was found dead, and the police are unable to say whether it was murder or natural causes; but the crazy part was that the cages were all found open. Which means there are now roughly 48 wild bears, lions, tigers, cheetahs, wolves (or as this sheriff says "woofs") and possibly camels, giraffes, and orangutans on the loose in southeastern Ohio. Police have no idea how much of a head-start the freed animals might have had, so they could very well have hopped a plane to Rio or be barreling straight for 50 Cent Draft Night in Athens, in which case the guy in the lobster suit is about to be in for the most epic hide-and-seek game ever. So, a Public Service Announcement from the folks here at Bro Council: if you live in Ohio, stay inside tonight (maybe consider moving) and definitely don't feed the animals.

Source: Wild Animals Loose Along Ohio Interstate

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About The Author
Kristin Kipke
Kristin Kipke
Kristin is a law school graduate, former college swimmer, and in a past job, worked on the launch of KFC's Double Down. You're welcome, America.