Dear Bro Council,
Can commitment also scare women? I am 24, work for a successful touring band, and consider myself a stand up guy. This girl in particular comes to about a show a month, always gravitates towards me, and compliments me with the nicest genuine thoughts.
After 6 months of this pattern I decided to take her out to find out for sure. First date was a rock show. We enjoyed the night, talked, and danced. We mutually made a connection that wasn't based on sex. Her birthday came up a week later, so I contacted her to wish her a happy birthday and received no response. Which I found to be confusing and disappointing.
Emily's Take: I understand your confusion but there are a lot of reasons this could happen. The most logical reason is that she was flooded with birthday messages that day and busy with birthday plans and simply forget to respond. It happens! If something falls two or three messages deep in my e-mail or text messaging inbox, I often forget about it. I'm so busy that I just forget. It isn't intentional. I do feel really bad when they send another message and bring the conversation back to the top and I see that I let something slide.
Have you tried reaching out to her again? That would be my advice for you, try again.
To answer your question, yes, commitment can also scare women, but I doubt that's the case after one date.
If she's got a lot going on in her life, adding one more thing might be too much of a challenge. When I was 24, I felt like everything in my life was changing and put a lot of stress on my life. I met a great guy and couldn't give that very much attention because I had so many other things going on. I have no idea if this is the case with the woman you mention, but from my experience the age range you're in has a lot of change associated with it. She may just need some extra understanding.
I think you should reach out again and ask if she wants to go on a date. To be honest though, I'd never accept a date over text message and I'm in the same generation that you are. I don't know how you reached out to her the first time, but you should call her. If she answers, ask how she's doing, offer her a date and then take her to dinner somewhere that the two of you can be alone at a table. Get to know one another since it seems like your only interactions so far have been at crowded, loud, concert spaces.
If you get her machine, leave a message asking her how she's doing and if she'd like to go to dinner. If she doesn't call you back, then it probably means that she didn't feel the same connection that you did. At that point, I think you should give up on her and keep looking for a better connection.
Good luck! Check out the first part of this article here.
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