Alexander Ovechkin Is A Whiny Jerk


Two nights ago, Alexander Ovechkin somehow managed to avoid a penalty for this ridiculously dirty hit on Zbynek Michalek When the Penguins beat the Capitals. Luckily someone in the NHL’s War Room was paying attention, because Ovechkin was suspend for three games and fined for being a “repeat offender,” even though the game refs were clearly too busy braiding each other’s hair to be paying attention.

Now, I was obviously aware that Ovechkin was kind of a dirty player, but I wasn’t aware of how big of a jerk he really was. Seriously, I know he’s been punched in the face a few times for being such a tool, but I’m surprised it’s not been more. When I started to type “Ovechkin” into Google, the first autofill that came up was “Ovechkin is a dirty player.” Now, I like a good solid hockey fight just as much as everyone else, but when he’s taking cheap shots to get ahead and potentially ending the careers of other great players, then I think it’s high time a website starts harassing him about it.  

Here are three examples of Alexander Ovechkin being a huge jerk:

1. Dirty hit on Brian Campbell from March 2010: Click Here

2. A deliberate knee-on-knee collision with Tim Gleason from November 2009: Click Here

3. A dirty boarding hit on Patrick Kaleta from November 2009: Click Here

Yesterday, Ovechkin came out whining that he didn’t want to play in the 2012 Tim Horton’s All-Star game this weekend in Ottawa if the NHL was going to suspend him because his “heart is not there,” and that since he’s suspended “why I have to go there?”

Ignoring the fact that an All-Star game is an honor, not a root canal, boo-freaking-hoo for Ovechkin. I couldn’t quite find the words to articulate how little I care about his All-Star-Diva-style temper tantrum, so I’ll defer to Dr. Cox, as played by John C. McGinley on Scrubs: "I care so little, I almost passed out."

The fantastic part of this whole thing is that since Ovechkin is going to be at home crying into his Pillow Pet and crying on the phone to Rex Ryan while eating Chunky Monkey (I’m just assuming) ice cream, James Neal gets to replace him. And James Neal, who recently played on a magical foot, is definitely: Bro Council, Approved.

You know what's not approved? Ovechkin rapping. You can check that out here (skip to the 2:55 mark to see Ovi in all his glory).

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About The Author
Kristin Kipke
Kristin Kipke
Kristin is a law school graduate, former college swimmer, and in a past job, worked on the launch of KFC's Double Down. You're welcome, America.