The continuing series commenting on ABC's The Bachelorette from a man's point of view. Our own Matt Truck (@BroTruck) watches the show with his wife and awards points based on many factors, all of which test whether or not the act on the show is "Bro Council, Approved." Each positive "manly" act gets a +, while points are deducted for things that aren't as flattering to your manhood. You can check out the ground rules here.
The second Bachelorette episode starts with Chris Harrison breaking down the rules again about the date cards. These gatherings are really awkward on The Bachelorette. Seeing a group of grown men clustered around a single card, hanging on the words of a sealed envelope really isn't the most manly thing they could be doing.
I know it's early in the season, but I'd just like to say that there are a lot of v-necks in the suitors' wardrobes thus far. A house staple piece of clothing for the guys on these shows are always the "size too small in the arms" t-shirts. No one has broken out the full on tank top from what I've seen, but give it time – they're just settling in. I'd like some insight into the amount of bicep curls that get done on a day-to-day basis in the house. I'm setting the over/under at an even 1,000 with about 20 guys in the house.
Brooks gets the first date. As they go out to the car, he presumes he's driving (+1), only to be shot down and told he's riding in the passenger's seat. Des takes Brooks to a bridal fashion boutique. As a wedding dress designer, she wants to show the guys her career passion. When leaving the boutique, Brooks ignores using the car door, picks Des up and puts her into the driver's seat. Lesson learned (+1).
They then hike up to the Hollywood sign for a little talk-time. In the evening, Des drives Brooks down an abandoned road to a dinner on bridge, then a private concert. Brooks makes sure to dance with Des (+1). As a happily married man, gents, here's a tip: when a girl wants to dance, then dance. Whether or not you're coordinated, let it rip. You may see your limbs producing flailing, uncoordinated convulsions. She sees confidence.
The first group date is a rap video shoot with Soulja Boy to a song called "For The Right Reasons". Let that marinate for a few seconds, please. At this point, astute reader, you may be asking: "Matt Truck, what are the right reasons?" This question is flawed. If the point of being on the show is a shot at true love, then there's only one reason. Anything else would, by definition, be wrong, no? After watching this show, I've long been confused what other reasons qualify.
The second one-on-one date goes to Bryden. He and Des take a road trip through southern California. They attempt to fly a kite, pick oranges, run holding hands through an orange grove, and finally stop at a spa for evening festivities. Bryden doesn't know what Brie cheese is. Good for him, it's too dainty anyway (+1). After dinner, Bryden opines about how enjoyable the day has been in multiple ways as he tries to muster up the courage to give Des a smooch. Hopefully my wife doesn't have a diary of some of the babblings I made before going for that first kiss. We've all been there, Bryden, but Des didn't seem to mind, so we can't knock you for it (+1). Such is life as a man.
Three guys are sent home. Some other high/low points of the evening are worthy of attention, in my estimation:
• Kasey comes out of the house, carrying a football to see Des/Brooks off on their date, then throws the bean to Brooks in the moving car as they're driving away. (+1) I loved this. In college my friends and I had a fascination of seeing from what distances we could successfully throw a tennis ball through our fourth-floor apartment windows. Guys and sporting go hand in hand, notwithstanding our surroundings.
• James said he thinks that his rap video performance can push him to a career in WWE. (+2). This guy kills me every time he gets screen time. To the point above about what other good reasons there are to be on the show, this one is pretty close.
• Zak W. had a really strong showing. He brought Des an antique journal (+1), made sure she doesn't think he's a clown (+1), and even wore a shirt this week.
• Brooks, Bryden, and all future Bachelorette contestants: EAT THE FOOD ON THE DATES. I've long had a policy where leftovers are unacceptable. (-1 to both guys).
• With a rose in hand, Ben (the season's antagonist) interrupts time between Michael G. and Des. "Bachelorette Etiquette" suggests that a guy with a rose doesn't interrupt a conversation this early in the proceedings. (-1)
• Michael G. and Mikey T. both confront Ben at separate points. Not this early. Not on my watch. (-1 to both)
With one week in the books, here's our leaderboard:
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