The Bachelorette Man Points Ground Rules

May 27 marks the return into all of our lives of ABC’s hit series The Bachelorette. Gone is the gaping hole in my wife’s and my week on Monday evenings. It’s been too long. Seriously.

As we learned during Sean Lowe’s quest for relational bliss on The Bachelor, these shows are totally Stray Monkey approved. If you thought the Man Points articles fit that series well, you haven’t seen anything yet. I’ll help you to see what you’ve been missing or quickly turning from for so long.

All we know so far is that Desiree Hartsock is the new Bachelorette, following in the most recent trail of Ashley and Emily. Brad’s Bachelor season brought us Ashley and Emily, and Emily’s Bachelorette season brought us Sean Lowe. Sean Lowe’s Bachelor season brought us all enjoyment, and it brought us Desiree. This string of reality TV is the gift that keeps on giving.

Sometime before May 27, we’re going to get bios on all of our Bachelors to be, but I figured it’d be worth laying some ground rules before we get started:

I’m going to be writing these posts weekly following the airing of episodes, and my quest is to help Des pick out the “Stray Monkey, Approved” Bachelor. I score the activities, missteps, and gestures by the Man Points standard. Things that (a) I would do (I am, in fact, a man); (b) I would aspire to do (I have some work to do); (c) Most men do or SHOULD do; or (d) Stray Monkey would approve bring a guy points. Things that (a) No guy would do with other men around; (b) No man should EVER do; or (c) Reveal general ignorance of body sculpting, machine operation, or relational well-being principles cause a guy to lose points.

For example, while a nice gesture to the lady of writing her a letter to let her know she is thinking of you is great (+1), the fact that you’re reading it to her on a pink blanket is a sizable gaff (-1). Also, would-be-Des-suitor, it’s great to see you getting some pre-date push-up sets done (+1), but you better think twice when you’re drinking wine at the cocktail party and you daintily hold the glass by the stem with your index finger and thumb only (-1).

By my estimation, this is a fail-safe way to pick a winning guy, or to show a winning Bachelor season. It’s worked twice. What could possibly go wrong?